You know what?

I've found myself. 
I don't know exactly who I am. But I know what I'm capable of.
I know I was made for great things, I know that God has a divine purpose for me. 
I know that I am no longer His creation, but His daughter. I am a daughter of an Almighty God. 
I know that even though I fail Him daily his mercy never runs out for me. 
He's always there to catch me.
He knows I hurt in so many ways. He knows I'm not perfect. 
He knows what I want. He knows what I've been through.
He knows my thoughts. He knows my aspirations in life. He knows ME. 
He never judges me. 
He cares for me. 
He loves me. 
I've learned to count on Him rather than to put my faith in men. 
I've grown. I've matured.
I've learned what truly matters in life.
I've learned that material things can be gone in a blink of an eye. 
I've learned to love and accept myself. 
I've learned to be me. ♥

Catch-up.

Oh LAWD! It's been a while huh?
I've noticed I post a lot of pictures up.
I like looking at pictures on other blogs, so I just post 'em make sense? No? Well it did to me.
Ugh, well I started this new job and it's amazing. Best job I've ever had, I've met some amazing people. I'm making good money.
School is going great. Life right now is just fab. Like really, this is the happiest I've ever been... in a while.
It's a little hectic but, I can deal with it.
Oh and it's seriously DECEMBER!?!?! No, your lying. Where's da snow! I'm not complaining but... uh global warming wha..?

Ello!

I've been away. Oh how I missed blogging.
So wasss new.
I started Beauty School, at Marinello. Crazy...? I know Impulsive decision. I like it though.
It's different, learning lots of new things. it's really easy, well it has it's days. I'm just happpy I'm doing something. Next year I'm going to the Art Institutes of Salt Lake City. Excited for that. Wish I had pictures, but  just wait 'till i get the camera I'm saving up for. It's legit. Happy Saturday. (:

Fashion is the healthiest motivation for losing weight.
-Karl Lagerfeld. 

I LOVE FALL FASHION.

Sooo much.

I also scored a HUGE deal.
So Saturday I went shopping in Sandy. I stopped by at Nordstrom Rack and found these babies... well they're not exactly like this they're tan and a bit taller. But they are gorgeous. Guess how much. GUESS.
Yes, yes. 10.00 $!!! I was tooo happy.

Oh how I love shopping.

Here we are again.

1. When the only person that read your blog was your cousin... and she stopped.


2.  Seeing the person you hate EVERYWHERE.


3. Working up a sweat from all the padding in your bra.


4. Coming home from a long shopping day and realizing you bought much less than you thought you did.  


5. When your friend's little sister acts like your her best friend. 

Gurrl problemz.

1. Sweating while your straightening your hair because your straightener is so hot.

2. When your parents always seem to walk in on the inappropriate lines and scenes on Mean Girls.

3. Go out, look perfect see no one. Go out, look crappy see EVERYONE.

4. When your not Lauren Conrad.

5. Awkwardly smiling to every old person just to show your not one of those "gangster kids these days."

Mmhhm. I've got more. Don't you worry.

Stay posted!

I'm so done.
Done trying.
Done caring.
Done.
Done.
Done.


I'm not what you say I am.
I've made mistakes. Let me forget about them.
I'm done remembering them.
I'm done living them.
I'm done obsessing over them.


There's nothing I can do to change that.
What's done is done.
I can't go back and erase it.


Trust me if I could I would.


Stop bringing it up.
I can't deal with it.


I only did it because I wasn't happy with myself.


You don't know what's it like to be fat.
Ugly.
Unwanted.


Of course not.
Your perfect.
Beautiful.
Skinny.


My heads' gonna explode.


There's only so much I can keep inside.
Please listen to me.
Please.
I just want to explain.


I'm stressed.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm frustrated with my own self. 


I want to forget.
Start out fresh.
Give me a chance to show you who I really am.

Eyes that won't cry, lips that won't lie, and love that won't die.

Everyone has their weak spot. The one thing that, despite your best efforts, will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise. For some people, it's money. Others alcohol, or drugs. Mine is even worse: love. 

I fall too easily, too fast, too hard.

I just want a fairy tale, something to be lost in.

A hug from behind.

A kiss on the forehead.

Talk for hours.

Butterflies.

Passion.

Something real.

Just my luck.

I ran into this. ABSOLUTELY adored it.

I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you like the plant that never blooms,
but conceals within itself the light of those flowers;
and, thanks to your love, the darkness of my body
houses the suffocating aroma that arose from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, when, or where from;
I love you straightforwardly, with neither problems nor pride:
I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither ‘you’ nor ‘I’ exist…
so close that your hand on my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes grow heavy when I tire.

Changes.

I have made some changes. I'm going to start exercising more. Eating right, all that good stuff. 
So I want to track everything down. 
I'm starting this 5 week program. 
So for 5 weeks I will be tracking everything I eat and exercise.
Oh geez please push me.  
Today:
Monday June 20th, 2011
I ate Special K cereal.
Worked out for half an hour. 
Lunges, 
Dead lifts. &
Side Bends.


My legs feel like jello. 
Day 1.
CHECK.

Behind.

Someone has been changing their blog name a lot...

I can't find something that truly fits. 

Let's see if this sticks? 

How's everyone doing? 

Well the one person who actually reads this. Hey cousin!

I try too hard.  

& my secrets are eating me alive. 

You seem to like my alter ego better.

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

My bag is ridiculously messy. 
Who's isn't? 
K... so I have all my school work, books, notebooks, and pencils.
I also have all my make-up in there, and my perfume and lotion. 
Yeah that's about it. Not so interesting huh? (:


Well now you've got me wanting a new bag >.<

Day 11 – Your siblings

I have 5 siblings. 
3 brothers and 2 sisters. 


Jorge & Rene.
Twins, 2 minutes apart. 
They live in California. They moved out there when they were 15. They go to a military school there. They are turning 17 in September. 6'3. They are the sweetest/brattiest kids you'll ever meet. They have a heart of gold. I miss them dearly.                      


                                                  (Rene.)

Clara. (Cawa.)

14. Turning 15 in August.

She's shy, but has a heart of gold. 

Independent, and always helpful she's so talented, plays guitar.. Love her. 

                    (Clara left, Ashley, Right.)

Ashley. (Atti.)

11, turning 12 in December.

She's a doll!

Ashley is probably the sweetest girl. 

She is so talented she makes bags, sews clothes, makes beautiful bracelets. She is a talent. I love her.

Peter.  (Pio.)

8. Turning 9 in January. 

Pete is the baby of the family. He's a cutie with a huge personality. He loves sports and tries his best in everything he does. I love how he loves coming with me to run errands, he's so talkative and funny. 

I couldn't ask for better siblings love them so much.

Day 10 – What you wore today

Prom 2011 beezies!

Day 9 -Your beliefs.

Evangelize

To take the good news of the Kingdom of God to the poor in spirit, the brokenhearted, the captives, the blind, the oppressed, those who are sick, and to every person on the face of this earth, through ever channel of communication available.

Affirm

To train every believer into a disciple and make him a strong leader for the Kingdom of God; to cement him in Kingdom values and the apostolic doctrine in order to renew his mentality and transform him in body, soul, and spirit.

Disciple

To train, equip, and help every disciple discover and carry out his purpose, calling, and will of God for his life; to help him discover his identity as His child and know that he has rights, privileges, responsibilities, and an inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

Send

To commission disciples to do the will of God and reach their destiny by taking the Kingdom everywhere they go. To send leaders armed with powerful weapons useful to extend the Kingdom of God by force; to rebuke demons; heal the sick; perform signs, wonders, and miracles; to raise the dead; preach, teach, and prophesy the mysteries of the Kingdom in order to cause a reform and impact society—these for the purpose to transfer a legacy of blessings, prosperity, and justice to future generations.

I believe this with a passion. 

Day 8 - A moment.

We sat in silence.
Both staring out.
We were both thinking the same thing.
At least I thought we were.
You smiled that beautiful smile of yours and I was gone.
You had just stolen my heart.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I kept replaying it over and over again.
I want to go back to that.

Behind the mask, faces suffer loneliness.

Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
You know when your having one of those days, and  your hanging out with your friends and try to laugh ALOT so you won't break down crying because of everything else that's going on? Yeah that's me lately.
Darn you heartbreak, darn you. Your pushing me off the edge and making me sick. 
.