How can I stand here and not be amazed by you.

I feel like I've definitely grown spiritually over this past year. I've never been through so many obstacles in my entire life than last year. I've seen God's hand so many times. I've felt His presence so much. It's been quite an experience learning to love God with all I've got. 


But i feel like I'm losing my fire. Like that burning passion I had for Him just a few months ago is disappearing.
I feel like everything I worked hard  for and all the people I've met along the way are slipping away.
I feel ice cold. 
I want to serve the Lord. I do with all my heart. But everything lately seems to be knocking me down. 
I'm scared to talk to people about Jesus and what He did for all of us. I'm scared they'll laugh at me or just ignore me. 
I'm tired of serving Him part time. 
I'm tired of feeling like I'm a hypocrite because I act different with my friends and at church. 


I know God has a great calling for me. But I'm not prepared yet. I don't want to waste my entire life with one foot in church and the other foot in the world. I want to be sure and secure and I want to know that I have a God that can heal the sick liberate people show us signs and wonders and that He is still alive and with us. I want to have that conviction of what is good and wrong i want to know that if I fail. It doesn't matter. That I can just get back up and try again. And that I can depend on His undying love and mercy.  And I want to have that burning passion for God like my parents do. 
I am SO grateful for my parents for leading me and not letting me stray away. I knew one day I'd thank them for being so strict.